John Kerry Thanks Iran For Their Hospitality


Amid regular pauses in which he squinted to read the teleprompter and took a moment to organize his superior thoughts, U.S. Secretary of State and 2004 Presidential candidate John Kerry lavished praise on the world’s largest state sponsor of terrorism for the warmth and geniality they extended to the ten American naval soldiers they kidnapped on Tuesday night. “This can be a good story for both of us,” Kerry insisted, noting that the American men and women detained before they entered Iranian waters were provided blankets and breakfast, an obvious indication of the good will of Iran toward its new ally, the Great Satan, also known as America.

“[For the sailors, i]t was really like an adventure,” Kerry continued, “an unexpected stay in an Iranian ‘bed and breakfast,’ if you will. Except, you know, on a dark boat in the middle of the night with no food and an automatic rifle aimed at [your] head.”

Kerry concluded the press conference by reassuring the public that the situation could have ended tragically, something he understood more than anyone because, he reminded the nation, he was once in the Navy.

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