Oscars Aftermath: Real Talent Ignores the Help

No Oscar gown, no high heels, no problem: "Mad Max" costume designer Jenny Beavan is the real red carpet MVP

Actors Who Host Annual Prime-Time Celebration of Their Own Unique Talents Fail to Clap for Lowly Wardrobe Person

At the 88th Annual Academy Awards ceremony Sunday, a select group of fabulously wealthy, culturally-isolated celebrities inexplicably neglected to properly recognize the contributions of a non-actor.

Although Jenny Beavan bagged the Oscar for Best Costume Design 2015 to commemorate her work on Mad Max: Fury Road, The Huffington Post UK huffed that Beavan, 66, was not regaled with nearly the enthusiasm that possibly the most entitled, self-absorbed and self-righteous gathering of people imaginable lavished upon themselves.

“Look, obviously it takes all kinds to make a movie,” former Best Supporting Actor winner George Clooney admitted to DarthFranktheTank.com in a phone interview this morning. “But the costume lady? C’mon, I didn’t even know we had an award for that.”

CSI: Cyber and 2014 Best Supporting Actress recipient Patricia Arquette agreed. “Everyone knows it is us, the actors, who add all the real value to a movie. Plus, Jenny’s jacket was hideous.”

For all her artistic talent, Beavan completely dropped the ball in her acceptance speech by foregoing the traditional soapbox remark about women’s salary inequality in Hollywood or gay rights, instead offering a lame plug for the environment or something.

Reached for comment, Jada Pinkett Smith, who did not attend the ceremony, pointed out that Beavan was probably disrespected because she is not white.

 
Many thanks to Salon for the photo and Huffington Post UK for the information: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2016/02/28/oscars-2016-jenny-beavan_n_9345016.html

Eat This, Not Those

Florida Criminal Chews Off Fingertips, Forgets About Tattoos in Ohio Traffic Stop

Tampa felon Kirk Kelly thought quickly when his vehicle was pulled over in Tallmadge, OH last weekend.

Loaded into a police cruiser with several others after law enforcement smelled drugs during a routine traffic stop over a license plate violation, Kelly, 24, realized he had not yet been handcuffed. Since he had given the officers his brother’s name after the first fake name he offered didn’t check out, he sought to complete the otherwise flawless ruse and dodge discovery of his outstanding warrants for racketeering, drugs and weapons charges, according to Fox 8 of Cleveland.

Kelly proceeded to gnaw off the tips of his fingers to further impede a positive identification, and thus extradition. Unfortunately, he forgot about the various tattoos covering his arms and torso.

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Figuratively fingered again, Kelly was “charged with obstructing official business, tampering with evidence, falsification and resisting arrest.” He was in custody as of Friday evening awaiting removal to Florida.

Thanks to Fox8.com for the article, but not for restricting images 2 and 3 of what is presumably public record from “copy and paste.”

Tampa man chews off fingerprints to avoid being identified during arrest

Clinton Shuts Down Protester, Demands Grilled Cheese

Irritated, Confused Bill Clinton Tells Benghazi Heckler and Marine to “Shut Up and Make Me a Sandwich”

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While working a “small town rally” stump in Bluffton, SC for his wife, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, former President Bill Clinton was thrown off-balance by a self-identified U.S. Marine who interrupted to demand an explanation of Hillary Clinton’s trustworthiness in wake of her “covering up” the murders of four American diplomats at the Benghazi, Libya embassy terrorist attack in 2012, according to the New York Post.

Mr. Clinton fumbled his response to the unexpected verbal tirade, eventually stammering that the American hero, who appeared to wear a suit and tie in the video obtained by the Post courtesy of Youtube/Monique Marie, should “shut up and go make me a sandwich.”

Clinton allegedly requested a “toasted provolone on rye. And don’t forget the fucking pickle spears.”

After security stepped in and removed the male dissenter, a female rally attendee somewhere around midcourt of the gymnasium who also appeared to be shooting the video echoed the Marine’s discourse, screaming that Bubba’s wife “lied over four coffins.” The video frame shook as it captured the female heckler’s escort out the back door in apparently first-person perspective.

Bill Clinton continued his prepared speech, which he appears to have delivered on or about Saturday 2/27 given the 11:16 PM time stamp that day of the article by Mary Kay Linge, with the following segue: “You can imagine how [Hillary] feels when people make these charges. She has lost a lot of sleep over this, believe me. Americans have one remaining bigotry. We don’t want to be around anyone who disagrees with us.”

Thank you to New York Post for this story: http://nypost.com/2016/02/27/shut-up-and-listen-bill-clinton-tells-off-retired-marine-during-speech/

Oscars Boycott: UPDATE

Will Smith Spends Quiet Night at Home with Jada

“We had fair trade popcorn and watched Dancing with the Stars on the DVR,” the Concussion star told DarthFranktheTank.com.

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“This is the best way I could spend my night, even if I don’t get laid,” Smith added from beneath his red snuggie and baby blue blanket.

This is a Developing Story. Read previous reports here :

This Week: Oscars Boycott Threatened

Oscars Boycott: UPDATE

NFL COMBINE UPDATE

Mississippi State Defensive Lineman Chris Jones Shows Jared Goff He Has More Complete Package to Offer Teams

“These guys…really fall hard and long,” the commentator added to the replay of Jones’ exhibition.

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Thanks to our source: https://cdn.streamable.com/video/mp4/s72n.mp4

At NFL Combine, Cal QB Proves Size May or May Not Matter

California Quarterback Jared Goff Shows Combine Media What He Can Do Despite Small Hands

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - FEBRUARY 25: Quarterback Jared Goff #8 of California speaks to the media during the 2016 NFL Scouting Combine at Lucas Oil Stadium on February 25, 2016 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images) Photo: Joe Robbins, Stringer / 2016 Getty Images

In a revealing interview at the Combine in Indianapolis this weekend, former UC Berkeley starting quarterback and NFL 2016 Draft prospect Jared Goff demonstrated for all media in attendance, with excruciating yet eye-opening visual detail, what he could do with his rumored “small hands,” astounding pro football scouts and coaches while horrifying parents attending with small children.

“It’s really more about technique than size,” the 6′ 4″, 215-pound specimen beamed as he dropped his Under Armour track suit to reveal a bitchin’ bronze body fresh from the Northern California sun and brought himself to orgasm within seconds.

“I know I have my doubters in the media,” Goff continued as he ejaculated several times down the field with great distance and accuracy. “But the smaller size of my hands gives me greater maneuverability through my pocket, as well as freer decision-making when sliding up and down in my [footwork] progressions.

“The five-step drop and quick-release pattern is my specialty,” the 21-year-old Sociology major continued. “And, of course, I’ve got a hard spot for the rub route.”

Goff added that he was poised to “make an immediate impact” on the cheerleader squad of any team that chose to invest in his talents.

Thanks to our sources! http://www.chron.com/sports/texans/article/QB-prospect-Jared-Goff-not-concerned-about-small-6856303.php; http://www.nj.com/eagles/index.ssf/2016/02/2016_nfl_combine_cal_qb_jared_goff_says_he_can_mak.html; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jared_Goff

Chili’s Almost as Invasive as Federal Government

Indiana Chili’s Manager and Restroom Voyeur Knew How the Food was Made, Just Wanted to Get Other End of Story

The manager of a Chili’s restaurant is now the subject of two police investigations. After complaints from his fiancé and babysitter that he recorded them in the restroom at his residence, Justin Behnke of Avon, IN was further probed on his activities at the Martinsville Chili’s location he manages used to manage.

Behnke, 40, was charged Thursday with two counts of vandalism after his fiancé found the home video projects on his computer. Obviously marriage is a relatively new adventure for Pinky the Perv Behnke, because you know she’s going to check all that shit if you don’t lock it up with your porn.

While the babysitter has publicly stated that the now-ex-manager of the “fast casual” bar and grill franchise is forgiven and she hopes “he gets the help he needs”—probably because they were already having sex—Behnke’s fiancé’s reaction to the indictment is unclear.
Behnke is out on $2,500 bond as of Friday, so lock your bathroom door. And, for extra security, never visit a Chili’s again.

Thanks to Mike Pelton and Jordan Fischer over at rtv6ABC: The Indy Channel: http://www.theindychannel.com/news/local-news/martinsville-chilis-manager-charged-with-voyeurism

Grandma Kerry Shakes Head in Regret for Terrorist He Released with Kind Intentions

John Kerry Scolds Ibrahim al Qosi, on Returning to Terrorist Acts Upon Release to Sudan from Guantanamo Bay: “He’s Not Supposed to be Doing That”

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In response to a tangential query by Senator Mark Kirk (R-IL) of the Senate Appropriations Committee, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry broke from defending his department’s $50,100,000,000 budget request for fiscal year 2017 to wag his finger at new Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) propagandist Ibrahim al Qosi, who Kerry helped spring from Guantanamo Bay in 2010.

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He’s not supposed to be doing that,” Kerry admonished, shaking his head slowly in judgement. “Tut-tut.” The third-most powerful man in the free world sat back in his porch swing, took a sip of tea, and picked up his knitting needles once again. “You young people think you have it all figured out. Well, when you get to be all experienced like Grandma Kerry, you understand that terror—even making propaganda to recruit young adults to do terror—is just wrong. Mr. al Qosi knew that we had an understanding six years ago when I helped to free him from Gitmo that he wasn’t going to do the bad thing anymore. Well, he’ll just have to accept the consequences, if we ever capture him again. Which we won’t. Sudan is really big.”

Obama to Move Really Dangerous Terrorists from Cuba to America and Other Places Because Progress

The all-knowing 72-year-old “leader” then drew the committee’s attention back to the subject of funding his department, which, in an abundance of caution, Mr. Kerry was proud to report only requested $50.1 billion in “discretionary spending” to create more leadership for the next 12 months, compared to a wee bit too much, $50,300,000,000, requested for the previous fiscal year. This will include $750,000,000 for the Green Climate Fund and $14,900,000,000 in Overseas Contingency Operations—mostly black ops, like capturing other terrorists to put through the system. Stuff you little people would never understand.

WE TOLD YOU SO: flashback to Secretary Kerry’s related leadership: 

Update: Terror

America to Sponsor Terrorism

Thanks to our sources:

http://freebeacon.com/national-security/kerry-gitmo-detainee-returned-terrorism-not-supposed-to-be-doing-that/

http://www.newsroomamerica.com/story/552742/press_releases_review_of_the_fy_2017_state_department_budget_request.html

http://www.state.gov/r/pa/prs/ps/2016/02/252213.htm

http://www.state.gov/r/pa/prs/ps/2015/02/236859.htm

Obama Explains National Debt to Desperate Public

Obama Explains $19,000,000,000,000 National Debt Due to Health Care

In a no-holds-barred interview with C-Span first reported by Susan Jones at CNSNews.com, President Obama, who burned through $9,000,000,000,000 more money than his government collected in taxes over the past seven years of his administration, attempted to explain to the little people that the record-high national debt is due to subjects’ citizens’ physical weakness and overuse of health care.

“It’s really very simple,” the man whose IRS confiscates record-high tax revenues annually to feed a monstrous federal bureaucracy that has posted annual deficits at or approaching $1,000,000,000,000 seven years straight man-splained to the eager press at C-Span. “Our national debt is in no way the result of many hundreds of government agencies that add nothing to society except unaccountable, freedom- and job-killing rules and regulations with little oversight. No, the problem is health care in this country is expensive. It’s sad, and it’s unacceptable.

Obama reassured the nation that health care costs will soon level off, ending the growth of the national debt that surpassed annual GDP four years ago, once Congress gets around to passing his transformative Affordable Care Act.

Thanks very much to CNSNews.com: http://cnsnews.com/news/article/susan-jones/obama-national-debt-problem-very-simple-we-use-lot-healthcare