The Sky’s the Limit…for Debt

DEA Plane for Counter-Drug Missions in Afghanistan Years, Millions of Dollars Over Budget…and Inoperable

Shown here is the ATR 42-500 aircraft. (OIG)

Presidential candidates on the campaign trail have focused recently on the “opioid epidemic” that has developed in America despite the long, expensive “war on drugs” the Federal Government has waged since the 1980s. As so many government Agencies seem to do, the DEA makes life most difficult for the poor and vulnerable, while sheltering its own employees and their friends (if you believe the Oscar-winning movie Traffic).

But counter-drug missions we fund in other countries at least would appear to create more Federal Government jobs.

An “advanced” Drug Enforcement Agency aircraft (pictured above) is $64,000,000 and 4 years over budget. Fox News reported the Agency’s own Inspector General’s conclusions pertaining to the plane the DEA purchased for $8,600,000 in 2009 “to support anti-drug efforts in the Afghanistan war zone, where opium poppy cultivation has long been rampant.”

The plane is up on bricks in a Delaware warehouse, however, and does not appear cleared for takeoff any time soon.

$5,000,000 was spent by the Agency on spare engines for the plane, and an additional $3,500,000 on additional parts.

The IG report (the DEA’s publicly-released audit of its own failed project) notes “DEA’s Aviation Division lacked adequate policies and procedures for receiving, reviewing and paying contractors with no requirement that any documentation be approved before personnel were paid.

Every scheduled “delivery date” for the plane’s progress has been missed.

Additionally, the plane’s progress included $2,500,000 in “improper expenditures by DEA employess. Per the Fox News report of the IG audit, this figure included: “costs associated with aircrafts and personnel who were entirely unrelated to the agency’s Afghanistan operations. That included $8,122 in unallowable travel related to missions in Haiti, the Bahamas, Peru and Florida.

The plane’s new scheduled completion date is June 2016. Because the U.S. pulled out of the Afghan war zone over a year ago, “the DEA intends to fly the plane in the Caribbean, Central America and South America [instead].”

Presumably these areas have similar poppy operations that are of similar concern to the Afghan drug trade, at least in terms of Federal budget priorities.

The Federal Debt exceeds $19,000,000,000,000.

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Grand Theft Auto

Man Buys Stolen Suburban from Craigslist Users in McDonald’s Parking Lot

Kyle Whitlow had surprisingly low wit when it came to purchasing his new ride.

Whitlow, 28, of Lafayette, TN, traveled to a McDonald’s restaurant in Nashville to answer a $30,000 ad for an “almost new” Chevrolet suburban.

According to The Daily Beast, Whitlow handed over the thirty grand in cash, and found it a little odd the sellers split without counting the money.

“What gave it away is he didn’t want to count the money or nothing,” Whitlow admitted to the Beast.

Kaleb Louis and Maurice Lewis (still real names), flew from Houston and rented the Suburban at the Nasville airport using a stolen credit card and a fake drivers license.

One stolen license plate and forged registration later, Louis, 22 and Lewis, 20, a Craigslist ad lured Whitlow to the McDonald’s meeting.

Although Enterprise Rent-a-Car recovered the vehicle when Whitlow was unable to register it in his name, Whitlow was left empty-handed.  ” The detective told me I probably wouldn’t see the money again,” he told the Beast.

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VA Shortcomings

Jersey VA Patient Dies After Setting Self on Fire Outside Clinic

An Egg Harbor Township veteran has passed away after setting himself on fire in front of a Veterans Affairs clinic on New Road in Northfield, NJ on Saturday, March 19.

The clinic, affiliated with the Wilmington, DE Veterans Affairs medical system, was closed when Charles R. Ingram III, 51, apparently set his clothes on fire, according to

He was airlifted to Temple Burn Center in Philadelphia and pronounced dead. reports via a VA source that 22 U.S. veterans commit suicide daily, accounting for 20% of American suicides.

The VA has faced damning scandal in recent years, notably for falsifying records while keeping unofficial “secret wait lists” to hide chronically unacceptable waiting times of veterans needing health care. The office in Phoenix allowed hundreds of veterans’ cancer treatment to suffer delay, demonstrably causing the deaths of at least 5 veterans according to The Washington Free Beacon, and likely as many as 17 according to other sources. At least 40 patients at the Phoenix VA died waiting for care (Free Beacon).

Besides the resignation of Secretary Eric Shinseki (over the objections of President Obama) in 2014, little disciplinary action has been taken.

In February, suicide hotlines at some VA centers were found to send the caller to voicemail when wire overload transferred patients to backup phone lines (1 in 6 calls). The VA’s Inspector General report found “calls went to voicemail at some backup centers, including least one where staffers apparently were unaware there was a voicemail system.” (CBS News)

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Federal Government Resumes “Equitable Sharing” Funding

Justice Department Resumes Police Confiscation of Poor Peoples’ Assets

Attorney General Loretta Lynch (above) has instructed the Justice Department to resume “equitable sharing” practices.

“Equitable sharing” is when state and local police get to prosecute the property (usually money) they confiscate from overwhelmingly poor and minority citizens under Federal law as opposed to state law. The federal funding of these prosecutions logically allows the police agents to keep more of the money they either seize or obtain by selling everything else they take without probable cause, arrest, or legal authority, because prosecution of the property is subsidized by the Federal Government.

In the most recent Federal Government spending bill, the payments that assisted local cops in equitable sharing–so named because the police get to “share” your money or property if you smell like marijuana or look like a poor person who cannot sue to get your seized property returned–were temporarily suspended. According to The Washington Post:

While we had hoped to minimize any adverse impact on state, local, and tribal law enforcement partners, the Department is deferring for the time being any equitable sharing payments from the Program,” M. Kendall Day, chief of the asset forfeiture and money laundering section, wrote in a [December 2015] letter to state and local law enforcement agencies.
In addition to budget cuts last year, the program has lost $1.2 billion, according to Day’s letter. “The Department does not take this step lightly,” he wrote. “We explored every conceivable option that would have enabled us to preserve some form of meaningful equitable sharing. … Unfortunately, the combined effect of the two reductions totaling $1.2 billion made that impossible.”

While the Justice Department of your Federal Government tried as hard as they possibly could to encourage your local police to take your stuff and sell it to fund future law enforcement “operations,” the country’s trillions of dollars in debt caused a brief lull in that practice.

Fortunately for government agents–as well as the lawyer industry, which the little people have to fund to get their property returned–equitable sharing has been restored, the Post confirmed today.

“In the months since we made the difficult decision to defer equitable sharing payments because of the $1.2 billion rescinded from the Asset Forfeiture Fund, the financial solvency of the fund has improved to the point where it is no longer necessary to continue deferring Equitable Sharing payments,” spokesman Peter J. Carr said.

And not a moment too soon. Police lobbies such as the International Association of Chiefs of Police and the National District Attorney’s Association, among others, released a statement in the wake of last December’s budget cuts that protested “a significant and immediate impact on the ability of law enforcement agencies throughout the nation to protect their communities.”

It’s a lot easier to protect uncharged, innocent citizens when you take their stuff and make them hire attorneys to sue and get it back.

Mrs. Lynch oversaw more than $100,000,000 of property seized from innocent people during her reign as U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of New York.

The Justice Department is anticipated, as are most of the hundreds of Federal Government agencies, to request a budget increase for the upcoming fiscal year.

The Post notes that in 2015, civil asset forfeiture took more from citizens than burglars:

The practice of civil asset forfeiture is respected by both major political parties. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) rammed through Mrs. Lynch’s confirmation to replace Eric Holder as Attorney General for President Obama in a bipartisan vote. As well, the latter Post article notes, both New Hampshire Senators Kelly Ayotte (R) and Jeanne Shaheen (D) demanded the Justice Department restore equitable sharing payments in January.

Thanks to  Christopher Ingraham at Washington Post for our source material:

Uncle Sam is in the Back Door

FBI Gains Backdoor Access to iPhone it Demanded Apple Unlock Last Month

In an interesting development, the “intelligence community” of the Federal Government has utilized an unnamed “third party” to gain backdoor access to the iPhone data of December ISIS-inspired San Bernardino terrorist Syed Farook (still deceased).  The Federal Government deliberately locked this crucial data by trying 10 passcodes instead of uploading the data to the “cloud” by taking the device to Farook’s office or home wi-fi environment (see our previous reporting), in an attempt to strong-arm Apple into writing software to introduce vulnerability of all its devices to future Government probing.

Uncle Sam confirmed the news with in a phone interview this morning.

“Yeah man, we didn’t need that terrorist sympathizer [Apple CEO Tim] Cook after all. I was gonna just get iPhone’s ugly cousin to do anal like I said before, only this secret patriot showed me a method to pile-drive any iPhone in the ass, any time I want.”

Sam lit another cigarette and spat. “It’s almost like I feigned helplessness to make iPhone cooperate, and then when she was a little bitch and refused to realize she wanted me, I dropped all pretense of wanting–needing–her, and only her, revealing that was just a ploy to get more access to the data of the little people. For tracking, monitoring, communications analysis…you know, all the essential functions the taxpayers expect me to invade their lives with. Who else will build the roads?

“So I dropped that lawsuit demanding Apple write software to expose iPhone for anal by the Federal Government, about an hour before the hearing was set to begin,” Sam gloated. “Nothing like making the taxpayers sweat a little. It makes me feel powerful. Like a real man.”

Sam would not confirm whether the “third party” anal strategy was provided by The Johns Hopkins University, who Washington Post reported last week had found a fatal flaw in the iPhone encryption that could be exploited by the Federal Government for future cases of citizen insubordination.

Johns Hopkins receives more taxpayer money than any other college or university in America. The Johns Hopkins Applied Physics labs develop killer drones, which President Obama uses to assassinate foreign nationals, including hundreds of innocent women and children, without trial.

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Voter Fraud

North Carolina Man Can’t Believe He Successfully Voted Using Stolen ID

Jeremy Faust of Wilmington, NC, was “shocked, quite honest,” according to an interview with this afternoon, that he actually pulled off voter fraud at his local polling place using a drivers license he lifted from Rudy Ravindra, a local businessman.

Faust, 35, noted that the poll supervisor did subject him to additional questioning when he flashed the ersatz identification. “He hid the card from me like and made me spell ‘my’ last name,” Faust admitted. “Other people got to vote without additional questioning, and it would have been embarrassing only I was there to commit fraud ’cause I never registered.


“Luckily, I knew Mr. Rudy’s legal last name was Rudravajhala, so I memorized that ahead of time,” Faust continued. “He’s the only Asian guy I think there is in town, so I knew I’d better be on top of my shit, seeing as I’m white as milk and the picture on the license ain’t that blurry.”

After spelling out the name while the poll worker kept the stolen license facedown, Faust was admitted to the curtained booth his peers had been ushered into without such interrogation.

“I voted for Bernie,” Faust told

Mr. Rudravajhala was unavailable for comment, but his daughter Silvia reports that he voted absentee because he could not leave work on election day.

Thanks to for this story:


Easter by PEZ

Connecticut Helicopter Parents “Help” Children in Egg Hunt, End Up Trampling Rival Children

The devoted parents above brought their children to a 9,000-egg hunt at a PEZ candy-sponsored Easter event in Orange, CT.

Unfortunately, concern for the helplessness of their spawn in finding brightly-colored eggs in a field of grass led many to take control of the situation by shoving aside children and hoarding eggs for their own families.

PEZ event staff coordinated three separate fields of eggs with staggered start times to group egg hunters with similarly-aged rivals. The overbearing parents, however, tore down posted start times and stormed the fields to make sure their kids succeeded, according to the New York Post.

Lisa Stahl, a Facebook user, shamed the PEZ company online with the following post:

“Shame on that parent that broke the little boy’s bucket causing him to lose the few eggs he had, that someone else then picked up. Shame on the person that bloodied another child’s nose and to those of you that hogged all the eggs for your own kids

Another mother reported: “Grown adults pushing 3 & 4 year olds [sic] to get plastic eggs with some PEZ candy inside […]This is how truly pathetic society has become. We watched the same thing occurring for all age groups. I guess even 9 year olds can’t pick up their own eggs.

PEZ protested that by [PUN ALERT] dispensing its candy in complimentary plastic eggs, they “only wanted to do good for the local community. Due to the actions of a few, the good intent quickly turned into a mess,” per official company statement.

PEZ also clarified with a [PUN ALERT] loaded statement that candy was available at the entrance for the losers who couldn’t rip eggs out of the hands of grown adults.

Over 2/3 of American adults and over 1/3 of American children are overweight or obese.

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