Category Archives: Florida Man

Here Come the Midterms!!!

Sometimes Federal agencies actually justify their existence. After over 350 firearms were lifted from a Memphis distribution facility owned by UPS (who recently fell victim to the incompetence of Federally-subsidized rival USPS)

Pruitt: In Memoriam

, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) made a quick recovery.

Roland Jackson, 24, and Taveyan Turnbo, 18 (below) were both captured after fleeing on foot from the complicit U-haul in Midlothian, IL two days after UPS reported the theft.

Caught red-haired.

CBS did not explain how the passenger window got bashed in, but notes the duo fenced three of the guns prior to capture.


Some thieves are more successful. Rishi K. Sharma, (below) allegedly ordered $927,000 worth of cable service from Time Warner using multiple fake accounts under Ohio and New York corporate addresses.

The 28-year-old Florida man reportedly exploited the “service for 90 days until Time Warner realizes you haven’t paid the bill” feature on 68 different occasions in 2015 and 2016. He is now charged with wire fraud.


The FBI may have difficulty investigating Sharma because their new headquarters has been held up after $20 million in planning was disregarded. While we normally detest lavish upgrades to federal facilities, government watchdog Citizens for Ethics and Responsibility in Washington notes the overdue “renovate or relocate” dilemma regarding the FBI’s crumbling crib was punted by Trump–and his hotel interests may have factored in.

Because all citizens are criminals who exist only to feed the Federal government, the FBI workforce is expanding. GAO and GSA have agreed the current building, constructed from 1965 to 1975 at a cost of over $120 million (over $500 million in today’s Federal Reserve-eroded dollars and $60 million over budget), according to Wikipedia, must be renovated at enormous cost if a new site is not chosen, because some staff would have to lease other locations during such a renovation.

(GSA’s Inspector General found in August that the Public Building Service of GSA has neglected to report on $21 million in annual Federal lease payments for buildings that sit half-empty. This is an intriguing waste of revenue, as many of the underutilized buildings, under noncancelable lease, contain IRS employees. 

PBS blathered that since the agencies continue to make rent payments on the unused space, they are not required to report it as unused–or attempt to recover the loss to taxpayers by “backfilling” with other tenants.)

The cheapest play was therefore a new building at a different location–$1.2 billion on the face, but with $1 billion in savings promised absent the leasing employees.

Last year, GSA determined that moving forward without full funding would put the Government at risk for project cost escalations.


In February 2018, the FBI announced that instead of moving, it will build a new headquarters on the old site. The plan is estimated to cost $3.3 billion and will require 2,300 staff to move to other locations — a costly plan that does not address the needs that prompted the project.

[our emphasis]

CREW notes the newly-renovated Trump International Hotel, which opened just before election day 2016, would face competition if any of the multiple luxury hotel chains succeed in their bids to GSA for the old FBI building.

Establishment thug Senator Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) had ensured the $390 million new digs for the FBI would land in her state just before leaving office in 2016. It’s the Feds’ money, not yours. Baltimore Sun reported early last year:

Virginia and Maryland officials have been competing for years to land the proposed the 2.1 million-square-foot FBI headquarters, which would house roughly 11,000 employees, making it one of the largest federal facilities in either state.


Gov. Larry Hogan, a Republican, said in November [2016] that Trump’s victory should make it a “slam dunk” for Maryland to land the FBI facility. Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe has long been closely allied to Hillary Clinton.


Trump’s UN Ambassador Nikki Haley (below) is resigning in December. Depending on your political leanings, she either ordered $50,000 curtains for her state residence or merely allowed their [TRIGGER WARNING] hanging:

The New York Times reports that the curtains, installed last year in UN ambassador’s New York residence, cost $29,000, while a motorized opener for the curtains cost another $22,801.

While the installation occurred during Haley’s tenure as ambassador, a spokesman told the Times, which later updated its story, that the purchase decision was made during the Obama administration in 2016.

[our emphasis]

Who justified Haley’s upholding the purchase during hard times? Left-wing prince Patrick J Kennedy (below, sober six years) (the former Rhode Island representative, not undersecretary at the State Dept Patrick Kennedy who defended Hillary’s Secret Server because she “[did] not know how to use a computer to do email [sic].”)

Hillary Email Updates

“All [Haley]’s got is a part-time maid, and the ability to open and close the curtains quickly is important[.]” 

But the more damaging story appears to transcend such window dressing. CREW cried foul on seven private jet trips Haley disclosed from last year. Unlike the cushy flight accommodations disgraced ex-Trump associates Tom Price, David ShulkinScott Pruitt, and current perk-indulger Steven Mnuchin banked from the public, Haley’s travels were provided by South Carolina business executives, which could be construed as purchase of influence from the administration:

Jimmy Gibbs, CEO of textile machine company Gibbs International Inc., paid for four of the flights. Others were paid for by Smyth McKissick, CEO of his family’s Alice Manufacturing,  and Mikee Johnson, then-CEO of Cox Industries, his family’s wood business, according to Haley’s report. 

She also estimated the jaunts’ value at $3,200, while CREW contends it was more like $24,000.

We won’t be calling curtains on the former SC Governor’s political career just yet.


FEMA is back in the crosshairs as hurricane season winds down. The latest Federal success in rebuilding Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria was on display on a Ceiba tarmac.

On the water’s surface, these pallets of undrinkable water may not represent a complete collapse of the embattled agency’s routinely underwhelming efforts. Seven months ago, FEMA moved the water outside to save $300,000 in daily storage costs.

Now neither the agency nor Puerto Rico will take ownership of the undrinkable bottled water, which saw a limited distribution in May to very poor reviews.

[Ottmar] Chávez [Puerto Rico’s General Services Administration chief] said […] the agency plans to “return those waters [sic] to the U.S. General Services Administration (GSA) inventory.” FEMA told HuffPost in a statement that after the ASG requested and accepted the bottles, “the water became property of the government of Puerto Rico.”

Meanwhile, FEMA faces criticism of administrator Brock Long (below), who is reportedly reimbursing taxpayers for using public vehicles to commute between North Carolina and D.C.

Apparently, Long is under investigation for dragging aides along for weekends in NC and lodging them at taxpayer expense. DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen (her actual name) noticed Long’s routine absences from the office due to frequent six-hour drives.

The [Inspector General]’s interest was drawn after one of the vehicles — a black Suburban — was involved in an accident, according to one of the officials.

Long could have tried the Steven Mnuchin defense:

[A] former DHS official said Long, as administrator, is entitled to have a contingency aide accompany him so he can have secure communications in case of a national emergency.

Politico noted Nielsen raised the issue with Long months before they broke the story. It’s unclear if she asked him to resign. Long committed to cooperate with the IG investigation, which already found he often travel[ed] with a caravan of federal workers and has spent roughly 150 days in North Carolina since taking the job in June 2017. 

HuffPost also noted Trump moved $9.8 million from FEMA’s budget to fund immigrant detention and deportation as hurricane season kicked off. This enable DHS to perform at peak efficiency, exemplified by Border Patrol agent Juan David Ortiz, 35, (below), who stands accused of killing at least four women.

County District Attorney Isidro Alaniz said Ortiz sought out vulnerable addicts and sex workers near Laredo, shooting them all in the head with a pistol in a “cold and callous way,” the AP reported.


Ortiz’s fifth alleged victim escaped on Sept. 14 and alerted authorities.


Hillary Clinton requested the Feds end her security clearance, as well as that of henchwoman Cheryl Mills.

According to USA Today, Mills and four other, redacted individuals had retained access to classified information after Hillary’s State Department designated them “researchers.”

ABC News reports the “researcher” designation allowed the Hillary allies to keep clearances after she resigned from State.

The 4.3-ish million Americans with security clearances are “reviewed” by the Defense Department every five to fifteen years. However, Defense has decreed “[t]o preclude excessive clearances, the Facility Security Officer should continually review the number of employees with the personnel security clearances and reduce the number of clearances whenever possible.”

Clinton associate Nick Merrill whined on Twitter that Senate Judiciary Chairman Chuck Grassley should not have publicly flashed the honoring of Hillary’s clandestine request from August 30, submitted after Trump [TRIGGER WARNING] stripped Brennan last summer. Merrill suggested Grassley was dunking in a fashion as politically motivated as Trump’s reactionary move to the cretinous Brennan, who had criticized the president.

Grassley’s office released the letter Friday night despite a warning from the State Department not to do so.

Merrill also maintained State’s former secretaries retaining clearance was “customary.”

Incidentally, the failed 2016 presidential candidate recently announced she and Bill will conduct a self-promotion tour, squeezing sympathists for between $70 and $699 for a “conversation” with (between?) the power couple in 13 U.S. and Canadian cities through 2018 and part of 2019.

A Clinton spokesman did not respond to a request for comment on how much the Clintons will be paid for the tour.


Thanks to our sources:

Scott Pruitt Loves Chik-fil-A and Lotion–UPDATED

UPDATED 6/12/18:

Chase Bishop has surrendered to the Denver Sheriff Office to face a charge of second-degree assault announced Tuesday, according to CBS.


District Attorney Beth McCann notes the belated arrest is justified even without Bishop’s blood alcohol level, a lab result that takes minutes to run in any American health care facility but nonetheless “could take another week.”

We also learned Bishop (normally based in Washington, D.C.) was in Denver for vacation, not training.

Original post continues below:

Disgraced spendthrift Scott Pruitt, vital national security interest and Gestapo-minded head of the EPA, is causing more trouble for fellow Republicans who must actually get re-elected in November.

The shameless Oklahoman lost his lawyer, Sarah Greenwalt, and scheduler, Millan Hupp to resignations last week.

Sydney Hupp, Millan’s sister and another EPA scheduler, personally  emailed Chik-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy last year to throw the weight of Pruitt’s office behind a highly-selective franchise acquisition application for his wife Marlyn, according to Washington Post. Sydney is also no longer with EPA. Marlyn did not get her Chik-fil-A.

Millan (below) had other questionable duties, according to Politico, including help[ing] Pruitt find housing and inquir[ing] about purchasing a used mattress for him from the Trump International Hotel.

But Vox noted the most demeaning tasks that fell to Pruitt’s multi-million dollar security squad: driving him to multiple locations to look for a moisturizing lotion offered by Ritz-Carlton hotels, and picking up his dry cleaning.

A Little Forfeiture

Unlike Imran Awan‘s wife, Hina Alvi, who was confronted by FBI agents and subsequently allowed to board an international flight with over $10 g’s in cash despite charges of bank fraud, U.S. citizen Rustem Kazazi had his life savings confiscated while flying from Cleveland to New Jersey last October.

He was ultimately en route to his original home country of Albania, because no self-respecting person would set foot in New Jersey except for a layover. While Mr. Kazazi was not required to report carriage of his “life savings”–$58,100 earmarked for purchasing a retirement home and assisting less fortunate Albanian family members–on a domestic flight, he was reportedly prepared to declare the funds during his layover in –ughhh–Newark, NJ.

However, government wants their money. Cleveland TSA thugs saw the cash surreptitiously sequestered in a large envelope marked “$58,100” in the 64-year-old’s carry-on bag. You can probably guess what happened next.

At the time, presumably because there was no real suspicion of criminal activity, Kazazi (who speaks little English) was merely searched, interrogated without an interpreter, given a receipt that read “U.S. currency” (no amount specified), and allowed to continue to Albania without the money.

In December, TSA’s fellow agency under DHS, the Customs and Border Protection, informed Kazazi they had his money, which was suspected of being “involved in a smuggling/drug trafficking/money laundering operation.” The amount had dropped to $57,330. The extra $770 must have been a “finder’s fee” for the sharp-eyed agent at the x-ray machine.

Image result for tsa worker

(Which is interesting, because according to USA Today, TSA actually harasses people leaving the country–the setting in which Kazazi was shortchanged–while CBP harasses them coming in.)

Forfeiture usually targets small entrepreneurs on bullshit charges like “structuring” deposits to avoid extra paperwork, because the Feds know these people will not have the resources to sue the government and reclaim property. As we have reported, over 90% of these seizures recently studied by the IRS inspector general came from innocent people:

Summer Part 2: August Agony!!! Looking Back: May 10: IRS Takes From Little People; Squander Millions on Unused Email, Faulty Fraud Detection

Because they got caught and publicly shamed by the press (and served by Institute for Justice, who is helping the family sue the government pro bono), the Feds announced earlier this week they would refund Kazazi’s $57,330 within 30 days.

Rustem Kazazi and his son, Erald, are pleased that the government is returning the money taken from them at the airport, but said their vision of America has been affected. (Michael Sangiacomo / Plain Dealer)

The disappearance of the $770 remains a mystery. Rustem’s son Erald (above, right), who helped prepare the money for the trip, notes it was all in $100 bills.

“I always thought the government was here to protect us.”

–Rustem Kazazi


A’wanna Have Awan’s Luck with Lucrative Employment and Soft Criminal Proceedings

Awan, unlike Kazazi, is actually facing criminal charges. But his case may have been boosted by the bumbling Capitol Police, who unloaded a glut of evidence to Awan’s defense attorney, Bill and Hillary Clinton associate Chris Gowen. After he copied everything, law enforcement reportedly angrily admitted they thought Gowen was with the prosecution. Oops.

December Debacle: Stories from the Freezer!!! Awan Updates

Interestingly, although Gowen told Daily Caller the erroneous evidence disclosure was useless to the defense, it reportedly consisted of a copy of a laptop Awan’s former tenant, Laurel Everly, turned in to the Capitol Police in hopes of seeing whether Awan had hacked her. Everly previously complained of her landlord’s allegedly suspicious behavior and called him an “extortionist.”

Daily Caller also notes Awan argued against a different, government laptop  potentially implicating his family and friends’ theft of Democratic House members’ server data Awan left in a [obsolete term alert] phone booth being entered into evidence because he put a note that said “attorney client privilege” near it.

Fox News reported Awan will likely enter a plea agreement in the next hearing on July 3.

FBI Agent Shoots Amazon Packer

It’s not quite the “imperiling disabled children by mishandling live ordinance” level of functioning displayed by the CIA,

CIA: Careless, Incompetent, and Arrogant

but the FBI is making a play for “most unaccountable Federal Agency of the month” (May 2018). The setting: Mile High Spirits Distillery and Tasting Bar, Denver, CO.

Agent Chase Bishop, 29, visiting Denver for agency-funded training and intoxication, accidentally capped a bystander in the leg while retrieving the firearm that jostled out of his ass crack after he failed to properly land a backflip on the Mile High dance floor in the early morning of June 2. Such a white boy move.

The video from Good Morning America shows Bishop swaggering away with a smirk, raising his hands as he disappears into the crowd.

Chase Bishop: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know

It’s unclear if he identified himself as law enforcement. Mile High put out a statement that loaded firearms are prohibited on the premises. Heavy, however, reports that the agent is probably above the law:

Bob Pence, a retired FBI agent who was the Agent-in-Charge of the Denver field office, told Denver 7 that FBI agents are “considered on-duty 24 hours a day,” and were therefore permitted to carry their weapons everywhere. Pence told the news network that agents “should not drink excessively.”

Charges have not yet been announced, pending toxicology results. It’s been eight days, so with typical Washington efficiency a blood sample must have been sent to an out-of-state lab via carrier pigeon.

The Liberty University graduate is a former Army intelligence officer.

PHOTO: Tom Reddington is interviewed at his home in Denver, June 6, 2018. He was accidentally shot by the back-flipping FBI agent. (GMA)

The victim, 24-year-old Tom Reddington (above), works for the much-maligned super-corporation Amazon loading trucks. He has since been offered lifetime complimentary beverages from Mile High.

The “National Security” Front

Facebook is back in the newsfeed, publicly broadcasting the posts of “as many as 14 million users” after a “bug” set the default setting to “public” on all those users’ posts between May 18 and May 27. The social media giant supposedly changed the setting back to preferred privacy parameters once the bug was discovered.

When confronted by the ACLU, Orlando, FL police were forced to admit Amazon’s dystopian face-and-movement tracking technology Rekognition (showcased in the self-congratulatory promotion for a revolutionary grocery store below) has been deployed for public surveillance downtown.

Although chief John Mina insisted the system is merely “testing” recognition by capturing footage of seven department officers (and lamented the State is “a long way” from–Engadget‘s words–“tracking persons of interest”), he reneged on a public promise to reveal the cameras’ locations. A spokeswoman helped cover Mina’s ass by proclaiming his ignorance of the test cameras, because why would a police chief be aware of his office’s ongoing efforts to usurp civil liberties?

 Mina also said that he doesn’t know whether those cameras’ footage are uploaded to any Amazon server.

Mina (below) is resigning this year to run for election as Orange County sheriff.

The ACLU also learned that Amazon provided Washington County [Oregon] a roadmap under a non-disclosure agreement, and offered to link the county to other government customers interested in Rekognition, such as a body camera manufacturer. That’s particularly problematic when facial recognition on body cameras is illegal in Oregon. Amazon deleted mentions of body cams from its site after the ACLU raised the issue.

Amazon has lauded the cameras’ usefulness for identifying guests at the recent royal wedding in the UK.

Some of our previous coverage of facial recognition and its propensity to finger innocent people–especially African-Americans and women–when searching databases for a suspect can be found here:

Summer Part 1: Stories We Shelved!!! March 10, 19 and 22–Genes, Tattoos and Faces

Not to be outdone, Google helped fund some new research into algorithms that reports will allow Artificial Intelligence to create realistic footage of people from existing images or video. Perhaps those captured by police cameras.

[P]articipants in an experiment struggled to determine whether or not the resulting videos were real.


Thanks to our sources:

Chase Bishop: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know–abc-news-topstories.html

Florida Man: FIRE!!!

Claudy Charles

Claudy Charles of Miami-Dade county was under trial for arson on Wednesday when his defense attorney “accidentally” set himself on fire with an e-cigarette.

Beginning his closing argument that Charles’ car suffered a “spontaneous combustion,” Stephen Gutierrez (below) suffered a spontaneous combustion.

Miami lawyer Stephen Gutierrez was arguing an arson case in trial on Wednesday when his pants caught on fire.


Gutierrez, 28, graduated from FIU law school in 2015.

Miami New-Times was able to obtain an email statement from the crispy counselor denying the incident was a publicity stunt.

“Shortly after beginning my argument, I noticed that my pocket began to feel hot. When I checked my pocket, I noticed that the heat was coming from a small e-cigarette battery I had in my pocket. I noticed the heat was intensifying and left the courtroom as quickly as possible – straight into the bathroom. I was able to toss the battery in water after it singed my pocket open. This was not staged. No one thinks that a battery left in their pocket is somehow going to ‘explode.'”

Herald, like us, caught the eerie relation to an incident involving a “vaping” bus passenger on the West Coast last December:

Vaping Bus Rider Incinerates Pocket and Right Thigh

Charles, 48, may not appreciate the increased publicity. He was convicted of second-degree arson. Meanwhile Gutierrez may face “contempt of court” charges for his unauthorized smoke break.

Thanks to our sources:

Netflix and Jail

Florida Man “Lifts” TV at Gym to Watch Netflix

Joshua Sandberg from Boca Raton and his friend Hichem Skhiri (foreign exchange, Tunisia) decided to “borrow” the 42-inch TV from their Florida Keys Community College dorm gym.

They wanted to watch Netflix and [Sandberg] planned on returning it before the next semester began. He said he used a drill to help remove the TV from the mount,” Key West Police Officer Fred Carter Sims reported.

Joshua Sandberg, 26, and Hichem Skhiri, 21, were arrested Monday on suspicion of felony theft.

Joshua Sandberg, 26, and Hichem Skhiri, 21, were arrested Monday on suspicion of felony theft that took place at Lagoon Landing, Florida Keys Community College’s on-campus housing on Stock Island. —
Miami Herald

Both students were booked at the Monroe County Jail on Stock Island, then released the same day without bond.

Spokeswoman Amber Ernst-Leonard of Florida Keys Community College reportedly told the Herald, “We do not comment about student disciplinary matters.”

Police found the $700 Sony in Sandberg’s room. The students covered their tracks by installing their broken TV on the gym wall.

According to the Herald, suspicion was aroused when Erika Heffernan, director of student housing, found that the gym TV was broken on 12/10. Herald:

Surveillance video shows the two students removing the Sony TV from the wall mount and then returning a short time later with another TV they installed in its place.

Thanks to our source:

Criminal Watch

Florida Man Kills on His Way to Kill

Broward Sheriff’s Office deputies arrested Clarck Paul, a 28-year-old Pompano Beachman, on Saturday and charged him with the murder of two men.

Miami Herald reported Sunday that Florida man Clarck Paul (above) allegedly went “two-for-one” on a premeditated murder, killing a fellow driver out of apparent road rage while en route to kill his actual target.

Paul, 28, of Pompano Beach, was collared Saturday by Broward Sheriff’s Office and charged with the murders of two men, 35 minutes apart.

About 10:30 PM Friday, the Sheriff’s Office found Carlos Javier Francisco Senlius bleeding out in his red 2010 Nissan with an unharmed passenger in Deerfield Beach. Senlius was shot in the head. He was a recent graduate of Florida Memorial University (psychology), according to Orlando Sentinel.

Paul allegedly shot Senlius, a complete stranger, when Mr. Senlius’ headlights “shone too brightly in his eyes,” according to the Herald. Senlius later died at a hospital.

Lamont Smalls, Paul’s planned target, was a witness to “an ongoing attempted murder investigation in which Paul is a person of interest,” according to the Herald. Smalls, 22, was shot outside his home and died at Broward Health Medical Center.

$3,000 reward


Not more than 34 minutes after slaying Senlius, Paul had continued to Lauderdale Lakes and executed Lamont Smalls (“New York”), who reportedly witnessed the attempted murder of Brandon Smith (“Trini”), above.
Witnesses saw Smalls, earbuds in, get shot twice by Paul in front of an apartment complex in Lauderdale Lakes. Paul allegedly said,  “If you’re snitching I’m going to kill you,” per police reports.
A police dog tracked Paul to the bed of a Pompano Beach pickup truck 5 hours after Smalls was shot.
Smith/”Trini” was shot in the head in the same Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood as Smalls on July 23. Trini survived but could not assist with identifying his would-be assassin, leaving the investigation “open,” according to the Orlando Sentinel.

Senlius and Paul exchanged heated words after the headlight flash, according to the Sentinel.


A witness told deputies that Paul backed his car up to confront Senluis, asked if he or his passenger “had a problem,” and opened fire with a Glock handgun. Two bullets were lodged into the Nissan’s passenger door and the windshield was shattered by a third bullet. Senluis later died at a hospital, records show.
Paul has denied everything and as of this morning was still in Broward Main Jail. He was denied bail.

Investigators urge anyone with information about the shootings to contact detectives Bryan Tutler at 954-321-4281 or James Hayes at 954-321-4231. Anonymous tips can be made to Broward Crime Stoppers at 954-493-8477 or online at The $3,000 reward still stands.


Thanks to our sources:

Florida Man Arrested for Krispy Kreme Donut Icing that Looked Like Meth

In the continuing success of the War on Drugs, police quickly collared an Orlando man for crack cocaine crystal meth possession after stopping him for a traffic violation.

However, the middle-aged, mildly overweight Dan Rushing (above) insists the substance in question was in fact glazed doughnut crumbs–the remnants of his biweekly Krispy Kreme.

“It’s a terrible feeling to go to jail when you have not done anything,” Dan Rushing, 64, of Orlando, told local ABC affiliate WFTV. “I just don’t want this to happen to somebody else.”

“Every other Wednesday, I stop at Krispy Kreme and get a doughnut there, and they found little — four little flakes of the icing,” Rushing said. “They said, ‘We found what we thought was crack cocaine in the beginning, but now we think it’s methamphetamines.'”

Mr. Rushing told ABC News that on his way back from dropping a friend at chemotherapy, a police took him to the side of the road.

“They said, ‘Would you mind if I search your car?‘ and I said, ‘I don’t have anything to hide.'”

But the diet police became the drug police pretty quickly.

I kept telling them that’s from a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut,” he told ABC News. He said the police officer insisted that it was drugs and that it had tested positive as a controlled substance with a field kit.

“I said, ‘I don’t know what to tell you about your test, but I don’t even know what methamphetamines are,'” Rushing said.

Mr. Rushing was reportedly jailed for 11 hours, which included a strip search and missing his Q6H spinal medication.

He said that he has retained an attorney and will be filing a lawsuit against the police department. “The sad thing is I’m finding out a lot of people have gone through this all over the country. A lot of these tests are giving false positives,” he said.

Orlando Police Department said in an incident report Rushing (PUN ALERT) was doing 42 mph in a 30 mph. He also did not stop before entering a roadway (?).

The police officer, an 11-year veteran of law enforcement, wrote in the report that she observed “rock like substance on the floor board where his feet were,” and that she believed the substance to be “some sort of narcotic.”

Methamphetamine is a stimulant, not a narcotic.

The officer ran two field tests, both of which were positive for amphetamine.

“Rushing was placed under arrest and charged with possession of amphetamine with a weapon.”

[incident report]

Rushing was relieved of his .38 revolver, because although he had a permit, the alleged controlled substance made possession of a firearm illegal under Florida law.

Sgt. Wanda Miglio of the Orlando Police Department told ABC News  that Florida Department of Law Enforcement did further testing on the drugs/doughnut glaze, with negative results.

She emphasized that the arrest was lawful, “meaning that, based on the officer’s experience and the field drug test that came up positive, probable cause existed to make a lawful arrest.”

Miglio added that the “the substance was not, in fact, found to be Krispy Kreme flakes. FDLE testing just determined it wasn’t a controlled substance.”

[all emphasis ours]

Thanks to our source:–abc-news-topstories.html

Florida Man’s Independence Day Utterly Ruined by Girlfriend

Florida Man Beaten by Infant-Wielding Girlfriend


Tatyana Allen (above) of Orlando made headlines when she allegedly battered her boyfriend using the couple’s 6-month-old infant at Daytona Beach last week.

Allen, 18, was witnessed by at least 20 bystanders.

The Daytona Beach News-Journal reports the showdown on the boardwalk west of Atlantic Avenue’s 300 block already had authorities in the area. Allen then decided to take things up a notch.

The male infant required treatment in the back of an ambulance, and Ms. Allen was held in lieu of $30,000 bond for battery and infliction of physical/mental injury on a child.

Witnesses told beach investigators that they saw Allen walk up to her boyfriend, the baby’s father, and punch him several times in the face.  Allen then grabbed her baby as a weapon and swung him “like a bat” at her boyfriend, the report states.

Allen dropped the baby facedown in the sand and the boyfriend picked up the baby, the report states.

A 9-1-1 caller told the operator:

“She just beat her like 3-month-old baby, if that, against her boyfriend and threw him in the sand facedown. The baby was screaming. It was facedown in the sand, it can’t hold its head up.”

The police report notes the child’s head struck a railing while Allen carried him up to the boardwalk, away from her beaten boyfriend. Family witnesses corroborate.

Allen, who also called 9-1-1,  told investigators that her boyfriend had abused her in the past and that on Independence Day, he had pushed her several times earlier in the day after he refused to walk to the restroom with her, the report details.

A seemingly disoriented Allen could not tell the dispatcher where she was.

“He kept pushing me,” Allen told the 9-1-1 dispatcher. “I asked him to go to the bathroom with me and he kept pushing me, hitting me.”

Close examination of the mug shot from New York Daily News indicates Ms. Allen has sand all over her chin from the incident:

Tatyana Allen, 18, was arrested after she allegedly used her baby as a weapon to beat up her boyfriend.

Thanks to our sources:

Florida Man

Florida Man Man in Florida Gropes Six in Typhoon Lagoon Wave Pool

Aman Bhatia, pictured, has been charged with two counts of battery and four counts of lewd and lascivious molestation

According to the Daily Mail, Aman Bhatia was arrested on charges of groping six people in the Disney Typhoon Lagoon wave pool on Sunday.

Bhatia, 27, put his hands “all over [the victim’s body]” as the waves engulfed her, according to one victim who spoke to the Daily Mail.

Citing a Sheriff’s Office report, Click on Orlando reported that Bhatia was accused of getting in front of the victim again.

Another woman was gabbed from behind at the waist by Bhatia. After she broke loose, Bhatia grabbed once more.

The Daily Mail and other sources confirm:

Four others reported similar incidents to authorities. 

Orlando Sentinel notes Bhatia allegedly pinched one of the female accusers hard enough to leave a red mark. As well, some of the victims “were between the ages of 12 and 15.”

Bhatia told officers he had broken his glasses and couldn’t see clearly, causing him to unintentionally touch people.

An arrest report obtained by the Sentinel said: ‘Mr. Bhatia said everyone was bumping into each other and having fun but he never intentionally touched anyone or grabbed any ladies [sic] breasts or buttocks.’

Whoa there Bhatia! No one ever said anything about breasts or buttocks! Caught in your own web of lies!

Bhatia posted bond Wednesday. Disney has banned him from future visits to Typhoon Lagoon.

Florida Man Rapes and Impregnates 10-Year-Old

Florida Man, “Expelled from Haiti,” Impregnates 10-Year-Old Girl

Raymond Vincent

Raymond Vincent flew to Miami recently after being “expelled by the Haitian government,” according to Fort Lauderdale police.

Mr. Vincent, 47, was collared at the Miami airport Friday on an outstanding warrant, charged with sexual battery on a child under 12 and lewd lascivious conduct, the Miami Herald reports.

Investigators told Miami Herald news partner CBS4 Vincent was a family friend of the young girl, who showed up to a hospital in February complaining of stomach pains. She was pregnant.

Vincent apparently evaded the law by flying to Haiti. He was recaptured in Port-au-Prince by U.S. Marshals. It is unclear if the Marshals accompanied him back to the States to face justice.

Four counts of child molestation were leveled against Vincent in 2012. He was found not guilty.

Mr. Vincent was a youth pastor in Pompano Beach four years ago. The girl he allegedly impregnated, about 6 years old at the time, reported in 2012 she was molested twice by Vincent the previous year.

Investigators told the station Vincent lured the young girl inside his home with food[.].
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Disney Removes Reptilian References; Florida Man–Wait For It–

Florida Man Attacked by Gator; Disney Capitulates

In a much lesser-profile incident than the Nebraska toddler killed by an alligator at a Disney resort earlier in June, a Florida man was similarly assaulted in Bushnell last week, “about an hour away from where the toddler was killed,” national media outlets screamed, because alligators in Florida are now an epidemic.

Sumter County Sheriff’s Office followed up on an evening call and found the 58-year-old with an injured right leg just feet from the implicated reptile, according to Click Orlando.

The man was taken by chopper to Ocala Regional Hospital.

His attacker, 8.5 feet long and 300 pounds, was killed by Florida Wildlife Commission.

Lane Graves was apparently buried that same day in Nebraska.

One of the “nine major attacks” by gators in Florida last year was fatal, per Florida Fish and Wildlife.


OF NOTE, the Miami Herald reported to Yahoo! News that Disney World has promptly refined its experience for impressionable, lawsuit-threatening customers.

While the prevalent tramp stamps, leashed children and Japanese guys eating turkey legs will still be around, the Happiest Place on Earth has removed a few features from the park because one goddamn toddler got dragged off in Seven Seas Lagoon last month.

Louis, the “trumpet-playing alligator from The Princess and the Frog,” has been cut from the Friendship Faire castle show, according to an anonymous Disney employee.

Just to cover all its bases, Disney recognized tourists who would let a toddler play in six inches of water unsupervised probably can’t discern gators from crocodiles, so the latter reptile has also been removed.

Tick Tock the Croc of the Festival of Fantasy parade is now absent from the park.

Also, the boat tour guides at Jungle Cruise have cut the “crocs eat children” jokes from the narration, and Kilimanjaro Safari no longer mentions a “crocodile pit.” Microaggression!

Have we lost all confidence in the dedicated theme park employees’ ability to ward off gators??

Less-than-subtle changes include new signs and fences along resort beaches warning of alligators and snakes and advising against feeding the wildlife. Such notices were not posted when the remains of 2-year-old Lance Graves were pulled from the Seven Seas Lagoon on June 15, after an alligator snatched him and pulled him underwater.

[underlining ours]

I didn’t come all the way to Orlando and pay $200 a head for admission to share my funnel cake with the local animals, but whatever.

Thanks to our sources:;